We mourn the loss of our colleague, sister, and friend, Frances Thomas. After battling cancer, she went to be with her Lord and Savior  on the evening of February 17, 2012. Words cannot express the ways she affected those around her. We praise God for her presence in our lives and await the day we are reunited with our beloved friend.

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We are excited to announce the arrival of our newest therapist, Zach Sander, MA,  LPC, CADC. We are honored to have him be a part of our team and look forward to seeing how God uses him to benefit the lives of people in the Saint Louis community!

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As many of you have noticed, Agape’s website and logo have new looks. As our agency grows and changes, so does our appearance. However, in the midst of change, our commitment to certain ideals remain the same. Thus, you will see similarities in the old and the new.  For instance, the dove and Cross remain part of our logo. We do this to communicate that in the midst of change, our feet remain firmly planted in the Gospel. Our hope for you remains the same: that you will find freedom and peace in Truth. We hope you enjoy browsing and learning more about us through our content and aesthetic.  Many thanks to Archetype Design for their diligent and masterful work!

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By Darrell Provinse, MA, LPC, NCC

In order to discuss sexual addiction we must first define our terms.  We can reasonably define an addiction as obsessive or intrusive thoughts or cravings, which produce a compulsion to act in a way that is unwanted, undesirable, or harmful either to the individual or others.  In terms of sexual addiction, I think we can reasonably cast that net broadly enough to include any unwanted, damaging, or maladaptive sexual behaviors that the individual experiences themselves as being powerless to control.  Karnes (1983) defined sexual addiction as pathological relationship with a mood altering experience.  There again in most respects, I think that could apply to almost any type of addiction.

At Agape, we tend to view an individual holistically.  We see them as not merely the product of their environment or learning, but an interaction of the biological, the psychological, the emotional, the spiritual, the social, the relational, etc.  It is supportable to say that there is a biological basis for addictive behaviors; but that doesn’t excuse them, nor is it even sufficient to explain them.  Some could say that it’s the product of faulty thinking, or past experiences.  Again this would be true, but that, in itself, may not be sufficient to produce the acting out behavior.  Similarly, to say that sexual addiction is sin would certainly be correct, but it may not be useful to merely say, “So therefore, stop sinning” or “Just pray more,” because that, in isolation, may feed into the individual’s sense of being misunderstood or their guilt-shame cycle that actually promotes and produces more maladaptive behaviors.  We believe that human experience (e.g., thoughts, feelings, and behaviors) are multi-factoral.  We get the best results by breaking down these thoughts, feelings, behaviors into their component parts, and addressing each factor individually. By doing that we can then formulate a comprehensive and effective approach to treatment and intervention.

In terms of working with someone who is in bondage to sexual addiction, we believe it’s necessary to look at the historical, e.g., early exposure to pornography or other sexually explicit material, early childhood sexual experiences, sexualization in the home, molestation, etc. as one component which necessarily must be addressed.  This is not used to justify or rationalize, but it is to help to understand what things are factoring in to the individual’s choice of behavior, how they see themselves, and how they see the world.

We also look at the cognitive, those things that they tell themselves, their beliefs, and whether or not their beliefs about themselves and their world are accurate, and how those beliefs shape their behavior and their perceptions of self-efficacy.

We look at the behaviors that contribute to the cycle of acting out.  That may include isolating, or getting on the computer when there’s no accountability, or engaging in conversations that begin the process of obsessive, intrusive thoughts.  This would even include the cycle itself of acting out, feeling remorse, the remorse turning to guilt, the guilt turning to shame, the shame turning the hopelessness, and then the hopelessness causing that person to once again act out.

We also look at the physiological.  We find that many people who have ADD, for example, tend to medicate by seeking out highly stimulating behaviors.  Since sexually acting out, whether it’s viewing pornography or engaging in high-risk behaviors, etc. is by its nature highly stimulating, it can actually have a soothing effect or create a sense of well being.  We know that people who are Bipolar, when they are manic, will often seek out, either compulsively or impulsively, highly stimulating behaviors, also.  Again, if there is an underlying issue of mood swings, then that necessarily needs to be addressed as part of the comprehensive approach to dealing with the bondage to sexual addiction.  Often when people are depressed, they will seek to medicate or distract themselves through the use of pornography.  On some level, there is then a biological component or basis when somebody views pornography; it stimulates dopamine in the pleasure center areas of the brain.  When viewed on a brain scan, it looks very much like a cocaine high or a similar euphoric experience.  Once this pattern is engrained in the addict’s brain, it is difficult to change.  Landau, J. et. al. (2008, pg. 4) states, “The neurobiology of sexual arousal parallels that of cocaine in its relationship to dopamine, the brain’s pleasure chemical.  Furthermore, the article states that where this is significant reward, as in sex, gambling, eating, shopping, etc. – there is the potential for compulsion.”

Other factors could be environmental.  When bills stack up, marriages grow cold, jobs get stressful, and/or the sting of singleness gets too hard to bear, an escape may seem necessary.  Some may use drugs, others may use food, while still others may use gambling.  Sex addicts use sex to either escape from too many external stimuli or to bring their internal emotions or passion to a life that either in their experience has too much or too little stimuli.

As alluded to previously, another component to be addressed is the relational.  Sex addicts often use sex to distance themselves from true intimacy which may seem threatening, or to create a false sense of intimacy in which there is a feeling of bonding without the same risk of being rejected or feeling emotionally vulnerable.  Many view sexual addiction as an intimacy disorder (Schwartz and Masters, 1994).  In this view, the concern with the addiction has more to do with intimacy than with sex.  Hypersexuality is seen as a symptomatic problem resulting from the lack of intimacy in one’s life.  Simply put, individuals will often turn to pornography, strip clubs, prostitution, fantasy, compulsory masturbation and other sexual acts to provide a sense of intimacy, even though it’s counterfeit.  The reason, the article presumes, that people settle for a false sense of intimacy, is that true intimacy either seems dangerous or elicit.  People often sexualize when they lack control in their primary relationships.  The sexualizing gives them opportunity to feel as if they are in control.

Another component is the spiritual, which, for some, may seem obvious or self-evident, but upon examination, it can be quite complicated as to how it plays out.  Some may compartmentalize their behavior, and believe that they have a good and strong relationship with God and a well developed spiritual life, and yet their acting out behaviors may stand in stark contrast to that belief.  Others may feel a sense of guilt or worthlessness because of their behaviors, which factors into that aforementioned cycle, of guilt which leads to shame, and that shame, instead of leading them to seek grace from the only One who can grant grace and forgiveness, they instead run out of fear, embarrassment, or hopelessness.

For anyone who believes themselves to be sexually addicted, the answer will not just be yes to one component, but to several if not all components.  The goal of therapy is to intervene at each point in order to achieve the best possible outcome.  It’s hard to have a good and healthy spiritual life, if your belief system is faulty.  It’s hard to foster good relationships, if your sense of self if flawed or if the behaviors that one engages in sabotages and damages those relationships.  Although not excusing the behavior, it is helpful to view even bad and self-damaging behavior as a maladaptive attempt to meet a very real need.  That doesn’t diminish that those behaviors may be objectively wrong, but it does give not only context for that behavior, but hope for how that behavior might be changed by finding adaptive ways to meet them.  For instance, relationally, by finding and developing a healthy emotional intimacy, first with God and then with a spouse, those intimacy needs can be met in a healthy way, and much of the drive and energy for the damaging behaviors can be reduced.

The nature of the addictive personality is to try to minimize, deny, or hide their struggle or not to admit that they are not in control.  Addiction is bondage.  In order to be truly free, one must be truly honest about their inability to manage on their own, and humbly enlist the help of God and others.

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Darrell Provinse earned his degrees from Washington University and Webster University in St. Louis. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Missouri and a National Certified Counselor. He is a member of the American Psychological Association, American Counseling Association, Association for Specialists in Group Work, and the International Association of Marriage and Family Counselors. He is also the Executive Director and CEO of Agape Christian Counseling Services.

As a therapist, Darrell is certified in Gestalt Therapy as well as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and extensively trained in family systems. He works with individuals, couples, families, and groups of various ages. His clinical interests include phobias, anxiety disorders, personality disorders, sexual dysfunction, grief and crisis, spiritual and existential issues and assisting parents of children with special needs. Darrell has led groups in anger management, social skills, conflict resolution, boundaries, sexual addictions, women’s issues, men’s issues, and abuse recovery, as well as a parent support group.

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Randi Borroff earned her Master’s degree in social work from Syracuse University in New York.  She is also a licensed clinical social worker in the state of Missouri.  She has 19 years of experience providing therapy to adolescents, couples, individuals, and families who have suffered from the effects of substance abuse, PTSD, marital discord, anxiety, and depression.  She has experience working within an EAP referral system where the number of sessions is limited and solution-oriented treatment is often necessary.

In addition, she has extensive training in using Cognitive Processing Therapy to work with people who have PTSD and uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as a way to give her clients new tools to overcome their present and past difficulties.  Randi believes no matter what the circumstances past or present, healing is always possible with professional guidance and an interpersonal relationship with God.  She has seen clients begin to experience hope and joy in their everyday lives once they have faced their pain and overcome their obstacles.

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Carolyn Knarr earned her Master’s Degree from Washington University, and has been counseling for over 20 years.  She is a member of the National Association of Social Workers, and is a licensed clinical social worker.

Carolyn has a strong background in working with children and adolescents with ADHD, attachment disorder, trauma, bipolar disorder, and Asperger’s.  She works closely with their families to help them with the emotional and behavioral aspects of these disorders.  She utilizes play therapy, family therapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy, and is qualified to do psychological assessments with children.  Carolyn also sees adult clients, couples, and families.

Through counseling, Carolyn helps her clients look at past and present relationship issues, communication patterns, and the potential for healing and growth.

Click here to learn more about Carolyn as our featured therapist.

Read Carolyn’s article, “Parenting Children with Emotional-Behavioral Issues.”

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Jerry has a Master of Divinity from Covenant Theological Seminary in Creve Coeur and a Master of Education in General Counseling from the University of Missouri in St. Louis.  He is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Missouri and has been working as a counselor since 1990. He has extensive experience working with addictions, and his primary interest is restoring and strengthening marriages.  He works with individuals and couples and has presented weekend seminars at local churches on The Journey to a Delightful Marriage.  He also works with men on relational and sexual issues and has led men’s retreats.

He believes it is his reponsibility to make the counseling relationship the safest place in the world for his clients. To make progress toward having lives and marriages with which we are delighted, we must trust we are SAFE enough to share our deepest feelings. This requires that we know that we will not be condemned or shamed, but treated as someone so valuable that Jesus gave His very life for us. This also requires that a counselor be utterly sensitive to how vulnerable we are when we open up in this way.

Jerry offers counsel based on things that he practices in his life and marriage and that he has found to be effective, that are biblically SOUND and that are consistent with reliable research findings. He seeks never simply to apply a Christian veneer to secular thinking. He is committed to offer only what flows directly out of the heart and core of the Good News and is entirely harmonious with Scripture’s clear teaching to us about how we are to love God, ourselves, and one another.

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Mike Diller earned his Master’s from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School and is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Missouri. He is also a National Certified Counselor and Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor.

Mike seeks to help people resolve personal and relational problems through encouraging the individual to better meet both emotional and spiritual needs. Specialty areas include marriage counseling, depression, anxiety, conflict resolution, parenting, and spiritual issues. He has facilitated men’s groups focusing on sexual addiction and anger management. Mike also has experience addressing women’s issues, facilitating children’s therapy, conducting family counseling, and facilitating cognitive therapy. Mike emphasizes the importance of instilling hope, identifying personal strengths and positive belief systems, increasing self-control over emotions and behaviors, and creating healthy relationships

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Rene’ Parker earned her Master’s Degree in Counseling at Covenant Theological Seminary in St. Louis, MO. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the State of Missouri. She is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors.

Rene’s primary mode of psychotherapy is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. She works primarily with individuals and couples and facilitates group counseling. The group counseling has included topics such as depression, boundaries, and women’s issues.

She counsels extensively with clients that experience severe depression; anxiety disorders; codependency issues; sexual, physical, and emotional abuse; sexual addictions; grief counseling; single parenting; women’s issues; and stress and anger management.

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