Serving greater St. Louis, MO
Appointments: 314.994.9344
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In Christianity, the term agape refers to
the unconditional and voluntary love of God, God's love for humanity, and our
call to love one another.
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Parenting Children with Emotional-Behavioral
Issues
As a therapist and mother of a son with bipolar
disorder, I have a special interest in working with
children who have behavioral and emotional issues,
and in supporting their families. Parenting is
a difficult job, but parenting a child with ADHD,
bipolar disorder, Asperger's, or other challenges is
exhausting and, at times, frustrating. Every day
with these children can be like walking on egg
shells.
Here are some practical parenting goals which I
often incorporate into my work with parents:
Keep routines and rules clear. Set up a daily
schedule and post it on the refrigerator. Write
out rules and expectations, but keep it simple.
Children like predictability and positive
reinforcement. Many times in counseling we make
behavior charts or visual schedules that help
the child be accountable and responsible.
Don’t let behavior damage relationship. Emotionally
connect with your child whenever the
opportunity arises. Put aside your negative feelings
at that moment and remember what
an awesome kid they are underneath the behavior.
Keep in mind that, as hard as it is to be
their parent, it is even harder being a child with
behaviors they often cannot control, and the
frustration, social isolation, and low self-worth it
can create.
Be aware of how your child’s behavior is affecting
siblings. It is not easy being the brother or
sister of an explosive or challenging child.
Empathize with them, and work out ways to help
them deal with the behavior. Don’t let one child be
labeled “easy” and the other one “difficult.”
They will pick up on this quickly. All children have
strengths and weaknesses. Figure out your
own “buttons” or trigger points and think about more
positive ways of responding to the
behavior that pushes these.
Normal is over-rated. Don’t compare your child to
other children. Yours is unique. Your
family’s day will be unique as well. Your
expectations will be different, and the support
your child needs will be much greater. Don’t let
“normal” be your goal, as it will only lead
to frustration. Allow your child to take ownership
of their diagnosis, which will lead to more
responsible decision-making as they mature. You will
find that, once you truly accept your
child’s limitations, your stress level and
frustration will go down and you will be more
prepared
for the challenges.
Finally, use humor. Often my husband and I would
have the choice between laughing and
crying. When looking back at our day, we might pat
ourselves on the back for making it through,
and then laugh about what someone might say if they
walked through our front door at any
given moment. There’s nothing funny about having an
emotional disorder, but I strongly believe
humor is one of God’s gifts. (He did once speak
through a jackass!)
You will need someone to walk the journey with you.
Find supportive friends who don’t judge you, and
don’t go into shock when you tell them about your
life. But, just as important, find a professional
who is
knowledgeable about your child’s issues. I would be
glad to be that someone. I help parents understand
their child’s disorder, provide emotional support
and hope, help them acquire specific parenting
skills that fit their child, and advise them on
being an advocate for their child. The therapy I do
with the child is often play-based, with specific
goals of teaching social skills, helping them follow
rules and expectations, understanding of their
strengths and differences, and strengthening family
relationships.
Many of the children I see have been through loss or
trauma and need help in the healing process.
Often parents or family members who bring in their
child discover they need to heal as well. Fear often
keeps clients and families from entering counseling.
Other obstacles may be present as well. I would
be happy to talk with you and help you feel more
comfortable and confident about entering into the
counseling process.
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Biography:
Carolyn Knarr earned her
Master's Degree from Washington University, and has
been counseling for over 20 years. She is a
member of the National Association of Social
Workers, and is a licensed clinical social worker.
Carolyn has a strong background
in working with children and adolescents with ADHD,
attachment disorder, trauma, bipolar disorder, and
Asperger's. She works closely with their
families to help them with the emotional and
behavioral aspects of these disorders. She
utilizes play therapy, family therapy, and cognitive
behavioral therapy, and is qualified to do
psychological assessments with children.
Carolyn also sees adult clients, couples, and
families.
Through counseling, Carolyn
helps her clients look at past and present
relationship issues, communication patterns, and the
potential for healing and growth.
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